Wild Dogs and Internet, Part 2

The continuing saga of Julie’s search for an Internet connection in Abu Dhabi

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I’m taking deep, cleansing breaths as I try to write this. Yoga classes are paying off.

Let me begin…

Damn, I just can’t do this. I can’t be sane and reasonable because there is nothing sane or reasonable in my life right now.

Today, my friend Lola and I spent AT LEAST eight hours – hours – trying to get our Internet working. Mind you, this is pre-paid wireless broadband. We shelled out over 1000 dirhams on Friday for the modems and sim cards, only to have them not work. We spent hours with our resident tech guy, Ptolemy, and more hours on the phone with Etisalat on Saturday, and just missed getting into their offices. Lola was told that the sales clerk who signed us up made a mistake and signed us up for two accounts each, and thus our first month’s connection, which was supposed to be free as a sales promotion, was over-due (before we had ever even used it, mind you), and that was why we couldn’t connect. Well, first the “customer service” representative said it was our fault, but finally came around to admitting, that, yes, perhaps someone else had made a mistake. The “customer service” rep said that we could go to any Etisalat business center, tell them that one account needed to be removed, and we would be fine. What fools we were to believe those sweet, sweet lies.

Today, Sunday, we went to Etisalat’s main office at noon. I was finished with classes for the day, but Lola had to get back for a 2 o’clock class. Yeah, right. After we waited for almost an hour, we got a “customer service” representative who had no idea what was going on. Luckily, he wasn’t shy about admitting that and handing us off to apparently the only person in the place who did know what he was doing. Except he only thought he knew what he was doing, because he didn’t. He took my laptop, installed something on it (!), and pronounced both our sim cards faulty. He said he would give us new sim cards, and wouldn’t even charge us the 25 dirham replacement fee. Quite decent of him. We told him AT LEAST three times what the “customer service” rep had told us the day before about having two accounts on one number. No, no, no, he insisted. That was wrong. The sim cards were bad. By now, Lola had had to call and cancel her class. The “customer service” rep then told us to wait a half an hour, or maybe an hour (he said both), and the new sim cards would be activated. But, we would need to call “customer service” and tell them that we had replacement sim cards, and needed new data package settings.

We decided to go get something to eat, and set out for a nearby mall. We had sent our driver away long before, as he had another pick-up at 2:00, and we were still waiting on the “customer service” rep to give us unnecessary new sim cards. Anyway, we finally got a taxi, got to the mall, and ate before calling to get the new data package settings. Of course, no settings were forthcoming. I called….yes, “customer service.” I almost felt sorry for the 5 or 6 morons I had to talk to. Almost. And 5 or 6 because I got 1) “disconnected,” 2) transferred, 3) given wrong information (!), etc...

Meanwhile, Lola’s blood pressure is skyrocketing, and I am having palpitations. Seriously. We’re sitting in a food court in a mall with a laptop, a wireless modem, router, sim cards, gut-spilling mobile phones, and cables of every description scattered across the tables. And french fries. Stress? What stress?

Finally, Lola gets the idea to go and get a 500-dirham Etisalat card and load it onto the sim card for her wireless modem. She does. I do not. I go get a freaking espresso frappucino, because I want my heart to race just a little bit faster. We get home, and Lola has Internet! Yay. So I go buy 5, 100-dirham cards, because Spinney’s doesn’t sell 500-dirham cards. Big whoop, you might say. What’s the difference between 5, 100-dirham cards, and 1, 500-dirham cards? Here’s the difference: every card has a 15-digit number that you have to dial into your mobile phone to add the money to your account. So I had to dial 5, 15-digit numbers. To do this, I had to pull the sim card out of the modem (for about the 15th time), pull the sim card out of my phone, and put the modem card in the phone, and dial the numbers. Then, I had to reverse the process.

But, at last, I connected to the Internet! I almost didn’t believe it! I was cautiously ecstatic. Yeah. And then, after ½ hour, no more Internet. Yeah. I think I saw that coming.

Long, long story just a few words short, I pulled the sim card back into my phone and found that my 500 dirhams had disappeared, and I had a negative 3 dirham balance on my card, which was what had been on it when this whole sorry story started. Remember kids, the monthly cost of this service is 460 dirhams.

So, I’m out well over 1500 dirhams (that’s $410), and I still have no Internet. And I don’t know what to do.

Here’s what I think should happen, although nobody cares, I’m sure: I think I should get ALL MY MONEY BACK, and the “service” I signed up for should be CANCELLED, and then, I can sign up for the “service” ALL OVER AGAIN, and have it done CORRECTLY this time by a COMPETENT PERSON, if there is one at Etisalat, which I seriously question.

So, we’ll see what happens tomorrow (Monday)!